Feestdagen voor kinderen van gescheiden ouders

Het einde van het jaar komt in zicht. De kerstdagen en oud en nieuw staan weer voor de deur. Veelal geen gemakkelijke periode voor ex-partners en voor de kinderen van gescheiden ouders. Zeker niet wanneer de scheiding pasgeleden heeft plaatsgevonden. Het besef doet dan extra hard haar intrede dat het vroegere samenzijn als gezin een andere vorm heeft aangenomen.

Eenzaamheid
Uit eigen ervaring herinner ik het me nog goed; onze eerste kerst alleen als gescheiden gezin. Mijn broer die op dat moment in het buitenland zat en mijn moeder en ik die samen de kerstdagen door brachten. Waar voorheen alle dagen gevuld waren met familieaangelegenheden hadden wij nu twee dagen geheel voor onszelf. De eenzaamheid overviel ons enigszins, juist doordat wij ons maar al te goed beseften wat er gaande was en dat onze thuissituatie vanaf dat moment voor altijd anders zou zijn.

Tips om de dagen feestelijk te maken
Het gevoel van eenzaamheid kan er vervolgens toe bijgedragen dat een kind een hekel krijgt aan de feestdagen en deze liever vermijdt. Zonde, vindt u niet?

Natuurlijk kunt u zich als ouder volledig laten opslokken door de eenzaamheid. Dit gevoel zal echter uiteindelijk zijn uitwerking hebben op uw kind(eren). Wanneer u uw creativiteit de kans geeft om naar boven te komen, zijn er prachtige manieren te vinden om de feestdagen draaglijk te maken, ook wanneer de thuissituatie is veranderd.
Ik weet nog goed dat wij uiteindelijk besloten om ons niet te laten kisten en vooral die dingen te gaan doen waar wij samen blij van werden; uiteten, naar een leuke voorstelling en noem maar op.
De eerste avond was het even wennen, maar de dag erna hebben mijn moeder en ik vooral heel veel gelachen samen. Ik denk nu nog met een glimlach terug aan die ene beruchte kerst, die kerst die alles deed veranderen.

Samen alleen zijn
Door de druk van de ketel te halen dat kerst bij uitstek de tijd van het jaar is om met het hele gezin bij elkaar te zijn, kan een nieuwe invulling worden gegeven aan het samen alleen zijn. Creëer bijvoorbeeld iets nieuws samen met de kinderen, iets dat echt jullie ding wordt en ieder jaar terug zal komen. Vraag ruim van tevoren vrienden en hun kinderen over de vloer op een van de dagen. Ga vooral die dagen lekker op pad met elkaar, naar het buitenland of binnen ons eigen kikkerlandje. Wanneer de kinderen bij de andere ouder zijn, zorg er dan voor dat u zelf onder de pannen bent of iets gaat doen waar u zich prettig bij voelt.

Mijn eigen ervaring als kind van gescheiden ouders heeft vooral mijn creativiteit gevoed en mij in laten zien dat de feestdagen geen ballast op de schouders hoeven te worden. Juist niet wanneer er op een andere ludieke manier invulling wordt gegeven aan het samen alleen zijn.

Wilt u tips hoe u als gescheiden ouder om kunt gaan met de feestdagen, lees dan hier de blog van Familiemediator Sissel Pemmelaar.

Door: Marieke Lips

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